Still I Rise
by Mina Cullen
Summary: Katniss Everdeen has seen the fall of the Capitol, she has overthrown it herself. But what happens after everything is said and done? Can the Mockingjay still fly? My take on the Mockingjay Epilogue. No cpyrght infringement intended - Suzanne Collins owns
1. My Voice

**Authors Note:**

Hi there! Im Mina and this is my first delve into The Hunger Games and its actually the first time I post a story! :) I really truly love the characters and story that Suzanne Collins has brought us - this is really an homage to her. This is basically the my own version of the Mockingjay Epilogue. I wish that it originally could've been longer and so I'm experimenting a little with how things progressed. As always no copyright infringement intended. Taking all beta applications. Please enjoy and leave reviews - I'm very interested to hear your opinions! xo Mina

* * *

><p><strong>My Voice<strong>

I, am Katniss Everdeen, and I am broken. I have no one to live for, not even myself. After returning home from the Capitol I was deemed mentally incapacitated. The first time I walked inside my home in the victor's village after the aftermath I nearly had a syncopal episode.

I walked in feeling numb and physically exhausted to my core, wondering how I even got here and yet vaguely remembering the ride home. But my journey goes much further than than that.

Haymitch lingers in the doorway as I assess the furniture arrangement or perhaps the dust I see floating carelessly through the air.

"Well sweetheart here we are, don't do anything stupid will you?", he says with a tone of playfulness in his voice – but we both know I'm beyond it. I nod my head in acquiescence. Haymitch sighs sadly and leaves, leaving an empty silence in his wake.

I haven't heard my own voice in so long; I idly wonder what it sounds like now. Perhaps I've become like an avox, cursed to be mute due to all the trauma I've suffered. Who knows? I stay in my living room for a while, walking around inspecting the lamps and windows feeling very much like an outsider, a stranger. And I guess that's what I've become now, a stranger to myself and to those around me. I can't even speak aloud; how pathetic.

Time ceases to matter as hours turn into days which turn into months as I am given a second chance in life to rejoin society so to speak. Yet there are still those who care about me. Greasy Sae comes in almost every day to cook me something and has to guide me through virtually everything.

I once didn't shower for two weeks straight and did nothing but stare at my food. That's when Sae had enough. "Katniss? Katniss! What is _wrong_ with you child, what happened to that strong willed girl I once knew?", she asks accusingly and yet with as much tact as anyone could offer in this circumstance. I look up from my stew and face her gentle eyes.

I have no answer for her and even if I could speak, what would I even reply? I hold her gaze for a minute or perhaps ten and continue to stare at my stew once again. This seems to cause a reaction in her because the next thing I know she has me slung over her shoulder and I'm naked in my bath tub while she scrubs my back and cleans my hair. After she's finished bathing me she dries me and puts fresh clothes on me while I lift limbs methodically to assist her.

Something in her gesture touches me and after that incident I make an effort to bathe as often as I remember to.

Haymitch comes around once in a while too. He talks, I listen. Sometimes he tells me stories of his childhood, of simpler times. Other times we sit in silence in the living room, Haymitch rocking slowly in my rocking chair while I lay down on the couch counting dust particles or random objects.

In the most insane way his quiet company brings me something I can't quite put my finger on. Comfort perhaps? Or maybe an old sense of camaraderie? He never pushes the no talking issue but I know it hurts him to see me like this. When he goes he gives me a kiss on the forehead and leaves as silent as the wind.

Since returning home, I haven't once slept in my old bedroom, it just didn't feel right. As if I was intruding into someone's personal space, their privacy on display for me. So the living room has made for a makeshift room and I don't quite mind nor care.

* * *

><p>Eventually the snow outside melts and spring begins to show and with it comes the indescribable feeling that a change is on the horizon. On a Sunday while Greasy Sae and Haymitch are over chatting about the weather and the stew she's making, something in me clicks.<p>

"I swear Sae I haven't seen the sun so bright like this in such a long – "

"I want to plant dandelions tomorrow," I blurt out. My voice sounds familiar but different.

Haymitch's mouth hangs open. Greasy Sae chuckles. "I say that's a great idea girl – and how about some game? Stew would taste much better with some of that."

I nod. Duly noted.

The next day I wake up early, shower all by myself and get ready to go out hunting. It feels odd, the routine that is, I've done it a million times before and yet it almost feels like I'm remembering somebody else's thoughts, someone else's memories.

I adjust my boots and look in the mirror. Who _is _that girl staring back at me? No longer the girl on fire, I'm the girl who was engulfed by the flames and yet lives somehow to tell the tale. My once pretty face is marred by the horrors that I've seen and endured. My once smooth body riddled with scars from the crackling embers. And yet I was fire once. Fully emblazoned in all its glory.

I leave the house with a small sack Greasy Sae left me for food and head out on my adventure. Everything feels incredibly new. I am hypersensitive to every sound and image that I see in the forest in front of me. How come I never noticed the beauty of a sycamore tree, standing tall in all its glory – showing me her longevity as her roots cradle the earth silently?

There's a dormant part of me that feels like that lost and afraid eleven year old that had to venture out into the woods a step at a time, going farther on every attempt. Knowing there were two mouths to feed at home, relying on her. And then I feel that once dominant side of me, the side that wasn't afraid to scale eighty foot trees or hunt game twice my size.

Every step I take into the woods alights that once leading side of me and I smile to myself as I remember her; me. I reach the part of the woods where I would always keep my extra stash of bow and arrows and feel my hands come to life as I feel he strength of the bow in my hand. I close my eyed and allow myself to just feel this moment. "Beautiful", I say to myself,

Something out in the distance catches my eye, a dandelion. And just like before – I know that I'll be okay.

* * *

><p>I feel him much sooner than I see him, a shift in the air and I know deep in my core that he's near. Peeta. I see him as I return from my daily hunt, he's speaking to Haymitch by his house. I nod as I pass them by. I'm not ready, he knows this. And yet as I walk by him I see the face of the baker's son. The boy I owed my life to a hundred times over.<p>

As I walk in the door, Greasy Sae is there ready to take the game. She smiles at me, I smile in return. I go upstairs to bathe and as I strip my clothes off I feel it. I feel my heart beat in rhythm once more and as the hot water slowly creeps up over my body I begin to sob. I cry for me, I cry for him. I cry for my father and my mother. But most of all I cry for Prim, sweet little Prim who would cry at the sight of seeing me cry without even knowing why and this in turn brings another round of hysteria on.

I lean my head back in the tub and let all of the memories attack me. The good ones like seeing Prim come home from school with her blond hair flouncing in the wind or Peeta smiling lovingly at me. And I let the bad memories engulf me too. Thoughts of Finnick and the screeching sounds his flesh made as it was torn open or the wild rage in Peeta's eyes the first time he saw me after his captivity. How I cried myself to sleep that night feeling shocked and nevermore so alone. This is the first time I've allowed myself to truly purge my feelings since my return eight months ago. And so when the tears and sobs slowly cease, my once hot water has run cold and my heart feels infinitesimally lighter and it's enough for me, for now anyway

I see Peeta around the Victor's Village more and more and our interaction has grown somewhat awkward and yet light. We never directly speak to one another but we acknowledge one another's presence.

One day in the summer I am working on my dandelion garden when I hear him approaching. I know it's him because of his walk and prosthetic. His bad leg lingers a little longer than it should giving him a distinct rhythm. I turn around slowly and almost can't quite comprehend what he's doing. I feel myself growing angry and flustered, but before I can get a word out he quietly says, "I picked them – for her. I thought you might like to plant them along with your dandelion garden…"

I bite my lip and nod. "Thank you", I mouth. I don't trust my voice. He sets the wheelbarrow down and walks away.

* * *

><p><strong>End of chappy 1...what do we think? Please let me know in the reviews! xo Mina<strong>


	2. Hometown Glory

**Authors Note:**

Alrighty then! I'm here, you're here – I say we get to it. First chapter was a little experimental; hopefully this one can satiate the hunger for our awesome characters. Per usual I do not own. The lovely Suzanne Collins does. I just want to point out that, yes; this fic will have _some_ adult themes. *Ahem* Like sex…and stuff. Obvs we know the outcome of our characters' lives but its oh so fun expanding on it Oh and for those who may wonder what I write to, Adele has been an amazing muse. Her angst drives my stealthy fingers into overdrive so that I may bring you all Katniss & Peeta lurve. Still looking for a beta. Please review, it'll help me write much much better. Plus I like meh ego stroked – pun intended. Muahaha. xo Mina

_I turn around slowly and almost can't quite comprehend what he's doing. I feel myself growing angry and flustered, but before I can get a word out he quietly says, "I picked them – for her. I thought you might like to plant them along with your dandelion garden…"_

_I bite my lip and nod. "Thank you", I mouth. I don't trust my voice. He sets the wheelbarrow down and walks away._

* * *

><p><em>"Is there anything I can do for you dear, is there anyone I could call?<em>

_No and thank you please madam – I ain't lost; just wandering…"_

– Adele, _Hometown Glory_

* * *

><p>After Peeta leaves I cannot control the whirlwind of emotions that settle upon me. I feel like I am going to implode. Slowly, cosmically and quite methodically. I don't know if I'm feeling so vulnerable because of Prim – the memory of her so full and radiant of life sends me into silent tears any time I think of it.<p>

I get up from the ground and go over to sit on my front steps. I inhale and exhale deeply, almost afraid to even consider my next words. Or could it be that somehow the old Peeta, the Peeta I knew during our first tour of the games is slowly resurfacing? Something tells me it's a mixture of both. _But are you ready to go there?_

"I don't know", I answer aloud.

There's a very real side of me that wishes things could somehow be normal for Peeta and I – but there is a much louder voice who reasons that normalcy is impossible. My life story is a testament to that.

The few times I've had the even slightest proximity to him it's like I cannot formulate one coherent thought. The few thoughts that I can actually make sense of wonder if the Peeta that I'm looking at is the old Peeta or if the Capitols Peeta has once again taken control of the boy I was once so – unknowingly – in love with?

I look up at the sky. "I don't know", I say aloud once more.

I'm terrified of getting my hopes up only to be left damaged beyond any comprehensible repair. Because really I'm not quite sure how much more hurting my disfigured heart can take.

I cannot look at Peeta and find that wild veiled look into his eyes again, the mere thought of this sends my pulse racing once more and I put my face between my legs to calm myself down. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

"Well I know what you are sweetie, you don't have to go around berating yourself for it", Haymitch says with a smile.

I chuckle as I look down at the earth. "Can I help you with anything today Abernathy? As you can see I'm quite occupied in looking at the ground – very interesting really", I say trying to hide the smile in my words.

"Yeah, yeah. You got any more white liquor stashed? I'm running a little low…"

I look up at him through one eye, "Bottom left corner cabinet in the kitchen… and thanks", I say my town serious now.

This is why I love my dynamic with Haymitch. He knows what I'm saying even if I don't fully explain and spares me the sentimental portion of it in the process. "I knew you'd come back to us", he says matter of factly and with that he walks up the steps, retrieves the liquor and leaves.

* * *

><p>The next time I see Peeta it is late at night. I've just awoken from another horrible nightmare to the sound of my own screams.<p>

This one was particularly vivid, I'm with Boggs in his final moments once more and this time I can remember even more vividly every detail – more so than when I actually _was _there. I look to my left and see one of his legs bloody and charred; he speaks my name trying to regain my attention. But the sounds are so loud. My eardrums feel like they have burst and I can't hear a thing he says, and I'm screaming hysterically now.

"Boggs! BOGGS! Please stay with me just a little longer, I can't lose you too. Please", I sob into his jacket.

Suddenly I'm transported to another dream and here I land fully loaded with my bow and arrow staring right into Peeta's eyes as Cato is strangling him on the Cornucopia in our first games.

"Let. Him. Go," I say my voice hardening with every inflection. Peeta is slowly losing consciousness, his eyes slowly drooping.

"It's your choice, whether lover boy lives or dies", Cato says with sarcasm. "So what's it going to be?"

My arrow answers in response, finding its way into Cato's left orbit as he falls. Peeta staggers back almost being dragged down with him but my arm somehow finds him.

"You saved me", he says coughing.

I reach up to cup his face, "Of course I did."

And then the Cornucopia opens up and swallows us whole...

I wake up screaming, clutching at my bed sheets. In the moonlight I can see my chest heaving from the exertion. _It felt so real… _

That's when I get up and walk over to my window and I see him pacing in his living room. He looks so sad, and lost. I watch him for a while longer and notice when he slumps to the floor and begins to cry and pull at his hair while he rocks back and forth. _He looks like I once did._

Something tugs at my heart and I can't bear to see him like this. I pull on my robe and run down the stairs out through the front door. The grass feels damp under my bare feet as I run with all the strength I can muster toward his home. As I near the porch I clumsily fall twice but don't even bother to look down at my knees that are screaming in pain. _He needs me. _I bound up his front steps and bang on the door wildly.

After what feels like an eternity Peeta finally opens up the door. Eyes swollen and puffy from crying.

_Screw formalities, _I think.

I walk into him and embrace him with as much human warmth as I can radiate. He stands still for a while and does nothing. I cry quietly on his shoulders understanding clearly his bewilderment at this gesture. But he returns the hug, and there we stand. An hour elapses or perhaps two, I'm not really sure. His body feels so warm and familiar, his smell just as I remember it.

I revel in all the little things I can see or sense. The way his hand soothingly pats my back or smoothes the hair on the back of my head. Here he is comforting _me_, when I came to him to show my support at comfort. Eventually our embrace loosens and I finally allow myself to fully take him in. His warm blonde hair and angular jaw line. The slope of his sculpted nose, or the way his eyes crinkle when his smile is genuine.

The person staring back at me with those piercing eyes is no longer the boy I once knew, but he also isn't a complete stranger. We have both been irrevocably changed and no amount of healing can ever fix this fact. And yet I know in my heart of hearts that the Peeta that remains is the one I remember although it will take me a long time to admit this fact aloud.

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "You are so beautiful. I never get tired of looking at you Katniss."

"Peeta please…" I close my eyes and start to protest.

"No Katniss. You need to know how I feel, how I see you." He rubs his thumb to capture a stray tear.

"You loved me once. Real or not real."

I choke a sob back. "Real" I say as I open my eyes to look at him once more.

"Thank you" he whispers into my ear.

I shiver at the contact. "I, I have to go now…"

"Alright. Let me walk you back home at least." I nod in agreement knowing there will be no arguing with him tonight.

* * *

><p>The following day I stay in bed for most of the afternoon just thinking. I go back and forth hundreds of times in my mind whether or not the encounter I had with Peeta last night was correct.<p>

I know I'm not in the best emotional state myself never mind being there for another, but I couldn't shake the incessant need to hold him – to calm him and tell him it was all going to be okay. So many things have changed in the last 3 years, and yet that need to keep Peeta safe and secure still remains. No matter as long as I live I am certain that my heart belongs to only one – whether it's mangled or not.

The mere thought brightens my attitude and yet it scares me half to death. I want to take things easy. I just can't barge into Peeta's life and cement myself there selfishly again. He has gone through his fair share of horrors and moving in on him too fast could stunt the progress he's made with sifting through the real memories of me versus the implanted ones from the tracker jackers. _He deserves so much more than that. _

When I finally decide to get out of bed and get something to eat downstairs, something on my veranda catches my eye. Something square and wrapped in linen? It dawns on me, it must be a painting. I open my front door and retrieve the artwork; on it is a picture of me sleeping on the train, my long hair in a braided mess sprawled on my pillow.

There are no nightmares here. I am peaceful. No fear or pain or even anger can be detected in me and that's because I know Peeta was with me. He is my constant even through the dimensions of misery – he was still there, fighting to get through.

I clutch the painting close to me and bring it inside. Peeta is sending me a message, he recognizes I am afraid for what I feel for him and in the same thought he wants me to know that he is waiting patiently for my return. There is no need for me to endure the past, present or future without him by my side to right me.

He is extending his hand to me – exposing himself in the process, and I understand, I think. He loves me. Unconditionally. He's giving me insight into his heart once more. But we still have so much healing to do and although I am anxious and fearful I fully comprehend now that Peeta is my disease and my curse, my question and also the answer.

There is no greater truth. Real or not real?

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

DUN DUN DUN! And there you have it! 2K plus words and Chappy 2 complete. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. Come on you don't want me to give you the sad eyes do YOU? I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Katniss will just not shut up in my head lol. And Peeta says he wants us to get to the *cough* good stuff. Taking that ever so subtle hint we will be moving along from now. Don't think I'll go over 10 chapters on this fanfic endeavor seeing as how we all know how the story ends up. Reviews get you Peeta/Katniss make up sex even sooooooner :P xo Mina


	3. He Won't Go

**Authors Note:**

Reviews motivate my lazy ass! Thank you so much for the reviews up until now, they truly do make me super duper fangirly and perhaps I squeal. Or not. Adele is super mega muse – when is she not? No infringement intended. Miz Collins owns all

Anywayyyy! Raise your hand if you're ready? Here's Chappy 3 for ya – enjoy! xo Mina

* * *

><p><em>He's giving me insight into his heart once more. But we still have so much healing to do and although I am anxious and fearful I fully comprehend now that Peeta is my disease and my curse, my question and also the answer .<em>_There is no greater truth. Real or not real?_

* * *

><p>" <em>I shall be telling this with a sigh<em>

_Somewhere ages and ages hence:_

_Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—_

_I took the one__ less travelled by,_

_And that has made all the difference.__"_

– Robert Frost, _The Road Less Travelled_

* * *

><p><strong>He Won't Go<strong>

_How can he reach the depths of my soul so easily? _One painting is all it takes to leave me sobbing on my kitchen floor. "Real", I say aloud. I want to be with him so strongly that it literally takes every ounce of strength not to have me knocking at his door once again.

I want to give in to him so much and yet I am so afraid.

We are like ying and yang. He pushes and I pull. Total opposites and through the falling of the Capitol and the loss of friends and families alike we are still apart. A big part is due to my reluctance, every time he even attempts to open that door I run the opposite way. I don't want to be like my mother, catatonic after losing my father in the mines.

It's a miracle I'm not catatonic now, really. But I don't know if realigning myself with Peeta is the best decision. I feel okay now, yes, but I cannot predict the future. How could I have him endure even more suffering when he's supposed to be rebuilding his life? Healing old wounds?

I scream into the silence my frustrations.

And there is still a part of me that questions if the Capitol Peeta might make an appearance as well – just when I begin to trust him once more. It's like the odds are always against us. Never in our favor.

I chuckle darkly. Ah, the odds.

I haven't left the house in days. It seems my progress is slowly fading.

It feels like I am going mad, slowly and torturously.

One minute I want to run to Peeta once more and beg him to forgive me for everything. For being so stupid in the beginning and hurting him with my rejections. For not telling him how I truly felt our last night in the train before the second games. For letting him get captured by the Capitol and get tortured to near death because of me. I will grovel until he gives me his forgiveness and even if he won't accept it, I will attempt to earn it every day of my pitiful existence.

The next minute I am punishing myself for even thinking such things. Knowing full well I am beyond repair and could never give Peeta the happiness he needs and truly deserves. And this last part kills me. Because I am selfish. Because I am an idiot. Because I love him and am too afraid to tell him. Because I am a coward.

I yell into my pillow. _Enough! _

I get dressed and put my hunting boots on. I need the sounds of the forest to abate me, my bow and arrow in my hand to help me refocus.

I pack a light meal and head out the front door into the world.

* * *

><p>It doesn't take me long to find my sweet spot in the forest. The place where I most feel comfortable, away from the prying eyes of humans. The place where I can be myself and not worry about a damned thing. I start to trek east when I see a deer in the distance.<p>

I stealthily crouch low and slowly make my way towards the animal, without making any sudden movements. I close my eyes and revel in the hunt. I am hyperaware of everything that goes on in the forest. A leaf blowing carelessly through the wind. A butterfly flying from flower to flower. One arrow through the neck is all it takes to bring the docile animal down.

As I make my way over to the kill, I sense that I am not alone. A feeling deep and long forgotten courses through me. My reflexes take over and I turn around defensively with my arrow ready to fly.

It all happens so quickly I barely have time to adjust my aim so that I miss.

And I almost kill him.

I run swiftly over to him yelling along the way. "What the hell were you thinking? Are you INSANE! I could've killed you I was so entranced!"

His eyes register shock for just a moment but he quickly hides the expression.

He holds his palms up in surrender. "I'm sorry Katniss I saw you go out and just I wanted to watch you from my vantage point."

I walk up to him and check him for injuries. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you at all? I'm so sorry", I begin to babble.

"I'm fine, fine really – just a bit surprised is all. My memories of you with your bow and arrow serve you no justice. You are… remarkable." And yet he lingers on the last sentence.

I take in the scene in front of me in. And I know instinctively there's much more to this _outing_ of his.

I close my eyes and look down hurt. "You wanted to see for yourself didn't you? You wanted to see if the memories you had of me hunting were really true or if they were implanted…" I trail off quietly, opening my eyes to see him.

His head is bent in regret and embarrassment.

"I, I didn't mean to spy I just _needed_ to see it for myself . You don't understand the anger and confusion I feel every day. I struggle every day with these memories. Some of them are foggy whereas others are more clear. A lot of them I can discern and know when they are true but the ones that deal with you… Well, those are the hardest to decode. So when I saw you leave your house and head toward the forest, I decided I'd follow you to find out for myself."

I look at him, my face full of comprehension. "I understand and I can only imagine how that must feel. I don't blame you for wanting to know if the memories are real or not. You just caught me off guard and for a second there I felt like I was – "

"Back in the arena" we say in unison.

"Yes"

I decide then and there that while we're on the more difficult of subjects I should pretty much just continue with it.

"What if Peeta, what if we stayed in the woods for a bit and talked about things? You could ask me whether or not they were real and maybe you can feel a little better?" I ask tentatively.

He contemplates my question. "I'd like that."

First we start off with easy memories. I talk to him about our childhoods and friends at school. He stays quiet for a long while and eventually interrupts me to ask about our first day of school.

"That first day I saw you, were you wearing you hair in two braids? Real or not real?"

I smile up at him. "Real."

He chuckles, "I remember my dad telling me about you and how he had wanted to marry your mom."

I laugh. "Real. Very real."

After a while we get into our first tour of the arena and the events leading up to it.

"So did Haymitch really punch me and did you almost actually stab him with your knife the after the reaping when we were on a train?"

I can't hide my guffaw. "Real! We both got upset that Haymitch was always drunk all the time and wouldn't give us any real advice for the arena."

He closes his eyes as if reliving the moment. "Yes that's right. And then we argued about who had the better skills. I said you could shoot amazingly and you got upset and told Haymitch that I could lift hundred pound sacks of flour…" he says the last bit with a slight hint of question in his voice.

I rest back onto my hands and I push back, letting the sun warm my face.

"Very true. I was so irked that you would paint me in such a positive way. I already felt bad that I might have to kill you in the arena. I couldn't understand why you were being so noble when there was such a big possibility we might have to fight to the death. Plus I felt that I owed you for the bread you had given me all those years I go" I say slowly letting him take in my words.

He contemplates things for a while. Then smiles up at me ruefully. "I know this might seem like an odd request, but could you tell me a story?"

I look deep into his eyes with surprise. "A story huh? I'm afraid I'm not that good with those…" His expression tells me I cannot weasel my way out. I exhale laughing "Fine, fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

><p>I think for a few moments before opening my mouth. There is only one story that is coming to mind. I clear my throat.<p>

"I remember an old tale my father had once told me long ago of a King who wished to find a wife who was honest and loyal – his equal in every sense of the word. For pressure had long been mounting on the young royal to marry and marry soon. He sat in his chambers for hours on end and pondered how he could even go about finding such a woman. A woman who wasn't interested in his riches or the glory the position of a King's wife, a Queen.

A woman who would truly be worthy of being called a Queen and one who was ready for the challenge of overseeing such a large Kingdom. The King loved his Kingdom and his subjects so much, he needed to find a counterpart who could appreciate his adoration for his people and help him rule the way it had been intended."

I look at Peeta. There is not a hint of displeasure in his face, he looks so...peaceful. I pause to choose my next words.

"Disloyalty was so common amongst royalty seeing as how there were many who were so greedy and power hungry. The King knew that one incorrect decision could bring his whole Kingdom down, something he did not take likely in the least,"

"So he devised a plan to test the true nature of the women he would – unbeknownst to them – assess.

He decided to dress up as a commoner and pretend to be critically injured, seeking help from the ladies of the noble class to assist him. Much to his dismay they passed him by without a second glance and even laughed at him. Joking amongst them how a peasant had the audacity to even approach someone of their elite status. Feeling quite disappointed the King decided to return to his palace wife-less, but before he can take another step a woman comes to his aid."

"She had seen the previous exchange between the King and the noble women and offers to care for him. He takes a good look at the woman, her clothes are rags and her hair is dirty and matted.

But she is beautiful; he can see that even through her underprivileged stature. Obviously this is not a woman with any means. And yet here she is offering the King her help and even food and water without even knowing him! When the King looks into her eyes all he can see is sincerity and decides there and then to strip of his rags and show the woman that he in fact is the King. She is taken aback and kneels in response."

Peeta is so entranced at my every word, eagerly awaiting what I will say next.

"He would have none of that. He asks for the woman's hand in marriage and requests for her to stand.

She looks down. " 'I am not fit to be a Queen your Majesty'."

He tilts her chin up gently so that she is looking at him. " 'It is for that exact reason I know that you are'."

When I look over at Peeta his eyes are closed and he has an unreadable expression on his face.

The irony of the story is not lost upon me.

Peeta is like the peasant woman. Always offering everything of himself to others even if he receives nothing in return. Before I even acknowledged his presence at the reaping I thought I knew who he was. The baker's son. A boy who went to bed at night with his belly full, never having to worry about starvation or death. _How wrong I was. _

What if the woman had turned the other way and ignored the King when she thought he was just as her – poor? She would not be his Queen. In life one decision or action can cause an alternate effect in our existence. A new path forged from a mistake, or in her case a miracle.

There was and _is_ so much more to him than meets the eye. Even now after everything is said and done and we have gone through the most inexplicable of horrors, his nobility continues to shine through.

That night when I went to comfort him, he ended up comforting _me _in return. How backwards that seems. And yet so Peeta.

I am brought back from my internal musings to Peeta asking me something.

"What are you thinking about?"

Silence.

"Tell me…please?" He asks quietly.

_It's__ now or never. _"I was thinking about how stupid I was to ever think I really knew you what you were about without ever really knowing you. And how you are so much like the woman from the story, always ready to give the best of yourself to others."

"You weren't stupid. You just had a different perspective on things and figured that if I lived in a better part of the district, I must have been living well."

I nod. "I'm also sorry", I say my voice barely a whisper.

"It's okay Katniss you don't need to – "

"Yes I do," I interject. I feel my composure slipping. "And you _need_ to hear this. I am sorry for not saving you. I am sorry for rejecting you and hurting you all those times." My voice is crackling now but I push on.

"I wish that they had taken me to the Capitol and tortured me. I wish it a thousand times over. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that it was you I couldn't live without."

Tears sting my eyes now. "I feel so stupid for not seeing it earlier. And most of all I'm sorry for not being able to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I. Am. A. Coward. And I will never be anything else. I can only hope that one day you can find it in you to forgive me."

I am taking deep breaths now trying to calm the flood of emotions. _There, you said it._

Peeta makes his way over to me and dries the tears on my face. I don't dare to open my eyes.

He starts his reply with so much empathy and warmth.

"Katniss, no matter how much you push me away, I will only come back to you stronger. We are like opposite charges, the force which attracts us doubles the further we are from one another. Can't you _see_? None of this was your fault – please don't blame yourself. There is nothing to forgive."

I sob harder now at his kind words. They simply break me.

"No, don't say that!" I scream uncontrollably. "Admit it. It's my reason they're all dead! Me and no one else is to blame. Rue, Prim, Finnick, Boggs, the Avoxes, half of District 12…"

I go on hysterically. He pulls me into his lap and rocks me silently while I try to claw my way free. But he won't let me runaway. Not this time. He stays with me in silence, soothing me and smoothing my hair while I let the darkness overtake me.

* * *

><p>When I come to the sun is spilling through the window and I'm rather disoriented. <em>What happened? <em>Something isn't right and before I can get up to investigate, two strong arms encircle me.

"Its okay Katniss, it's just me."

So it wasn't a dream. I _did_ say all those things to Peeta? I groan aloud. Let me just add it to the long list of things I'm still sorry for. _And now he's on bed with you…_

"I'm sorry. I wasn't going to stay all night but you weren't in any condition to be left alone and I did try to slip out once but you kept calling my name in your sleep and I couldn't bear to leave you that way."

I wonder what else I said while asleep. "Thank you" I say my voice hoarse from all the crying.

"How do you feel?"

"A little better" I reply quietly. I add quickly. "I didn't have any nightmares I don't think."

He smiles and it touches his eyes. "Yes no bad dreams. Only snores." He chuckles.

"Har har har. Very funny."

He gives me a light kiss on the forehead. "Is there anything you'd like for breakfast?"

I surprise myself when I instinctively curl into him just like I used to. He keeps his arm draped over me holding me tight.

"Surprise me?" I ask feebly. I'm not quite sure how the dynamic has changed between us but I don't mind his arms around me at all. In fact I am lamenting the fact that he's going to leave and make breakfast soon.

"I will I promise, but first I want to talk to you."

I sit up to get a better look at him.

"I don't want to have to force myself to stay away from you anymore. We are hurting ourselves so much Katniss and there's really no need to. We can take things slow, believe me. But I will not keep my distance any longer. I _need_ to be around you. Last night you have no idea how overjoyed I was to have you in my arms once more. And I know you need this too. You relaxed so much with my touch and presence – I know that I am exactly what you need. Don't fight me anymore please..."

* * *

><p>I, am Katniss Everdeen.<p>

And I am still so afraid to accept my present, there are decisions which have led me to this path – decisions that I didn't create. There is such an enormous a part of me that doesn't want to be happy because it feels like I am turning my back on Prim. The one person I swore to always protect and yet I couldn't even manage that in the end. And then there is a small voice who reasons that if I do not live my life to the fullest, I _am_ turning my back on everything Prim would have wanted me to have_. _

For so long I thought that loving Peeta was the selfish thing to do, but now I am understanding that _not_ loving him would be the selfish thing and actually loving him is a selfless act in its entirety.

We have much to mend, but in the end, he won't go – not without me anyway.

And _that's_ what's real.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter End Notes:<strong>

And there you have it! I'm thinking that we should probably give Peeta & Katniss a break and get some sexiness going on up in District 12. raWr! :) Be good and review and I'll make good on my promises. xo Mina


	4. One and Only

**Author Notes: **And here we are loves! The moment we've all been waiting for – our lovely characters finally consummating their love. BIG thanks to all those who've reviewed, I smile while reading everyone and am so humbled that there are people who actually read what I write.

SUPER MEGA HUGE thanks to Camoozle for holding my hand on this one. Couldn't of done it without you bb! You guys should check her out she's amazing! www(dot)fanfiction(dot) net/u/1918869/camoozle

Adele inspires once more, if you aren't familiar with her music – I highly suggest you give her a chance, I promise she won't disappoint. Plus you'll be able to understand our characters' much better.

Per usual I do not own, Suzanne Collins done and no copyright infringement intended on my part. Remember this story is rated M for sexual themes and only intended for those of legal age. I did use a part of the original Mockingjay book to tie into the chapter and thus be more believable!

Without further ado…

* * *

><p><em>I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before<em>_  
>Every feeling, every word – I've imagined it all<br>__You'll never know, if you never try To forgive your past and simply be mine…_

- Adele

* * *

><p><strong>One and Only<strong>

District Twelve will never be the same, instinctively I know this. And yet on days like today when I wake up with Peeta's beautiful form next to me – I nearly deny this fact. He's sleeping quietly, and I turn on my side slowly as not to wake him. He's not the baker's son anymore. He has evolved, matured. No longer the boy who confessed his undying love for me in front of millions at the Capitol...

He is a man and every line in his body is a testament to that. We are both riddled with scars. Many of them superficially – but the ones who've done the most damage are the ones you cannot see.

They are the ones that haunt us, unspeakable horrors we cannot even begin to name. I know what they did to him at the Capitol. Tortured him unmercilessly day after day, trying with every new terror to break him fully. Yet he still held on. I close my eyes and inhale slowly at the thought. I want to kill them, each and every one of them. They deserve something worse than death – and then I remember.

They have been vanquished. They can no longer hurt us. It is _we_ who continue to hurt ourselves when we allow the memory of them to defeat us from within.

A smile plays on my lips. They will not win. Not then, not now, not _ever. _ Peeta is here with me, safely tucked away where no one can ever do him harm. And if anyone ever attempted against our happiness… a chuckle escapes me. I pity arrow would lodge itself so deeply into the recesses of their cerebrum before they could even carry out their deed. We needn't play anyone's games on anything except our own terms.

Peeta begins to stir in his slumber and I can't help myself from leaning over and kissing him softly. This still feels so new and delicate to me. Allowing myself to show affection for him has proven most wonderful.

There are times when I feel guilty for loving him with the ardor that I do, there was a time when I couldn't have him out of my reach for too long. I'd feel sick with grief a feeling only abated with his presence close once more. I cannot continue on without Peeta and he feels exactly the same. I was foolish to even think I could keep away from him and I'm surprised I fought the desire to be with him for so long.

How selfish I was and yet he's forgiven me. For everything. In his embraces and whisperings of love I hear and feel his pardons – and I know he absolves me even for the things I will not allow myself to voice. Like the fact that I feel responsible for the demise of District Twelve, Peeta's family included. I allow him to wash away the sins and anger from my body at night, because living in resent for things I could never have controlled is absurd. _He balances me out nicely this way._

We are different; time and circumstance has changed us. Two people damaged beyond repair, and yet the comfort and solace we find in one another is nothing coincidental. We were meant to be one another's anchor in this vast sea of life. Slowly we have started to rebuild ourselves and with it our lives and our beautiful little district. We are braver now than ever before. Every breath we take is its own form of courageousness. Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

So yes, District Twelve will never be what it once was. But neither will we. And at the moment, I find no objection to this fact.

...

Peeta and I have an unofficial routine we do almost every night. He cooks me breakfast in the morning, the aromas of breads filling my senses and even brings it up for me when I'm feeling lazy and needy.

He looks up at me with a smile. "What will it be this morning?"

I tap my finger to my chin deep in mock thought. "I just don't know what to pick… Perhaps whatever the cook sees fit?

He laughs, and the sound of it nearly brings me to tears. His smile touches his eyes now – it almost always does.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah as if I haven't heard that one before. And before you go giving me the sad face, _yes, _I will bring up breakfast for you," he makes sure to pause and sigh theatrically, he kisses my forehead and speaks against my skin, "_again_…"

After breakfast we talk and lounge for awhile planning what to do with our day. Sometimes we go for runs in the woods, forging new trails out in the wilderness. Other times we fill our book with different drawings of plants or spices we've encountered along the way. Peeta's delicate and stealthy hands ensure that each picture is as close to the real thing as possible, knowing how much it means to me.

At some point during the day Peeta goes back to his house and grabs more clothes. It's become an unspoken thing really, but he has not spent one night away from me after that time I woke up in his arms. That was three months ago. I know his house really isn't his home. One time I asked him about it and he just shrugged.

"Wherever _you _are is home Katniss. For all I care we could be on the moon and I'd still be content."

I couldn't argue with him. I felt exactly the same way.

When the sky begins to darken and I hear the crickets chirping I go upstairs and shower, leaving Peeta with his easel. It's the only time we really spend apart, and I'm quite thankful for it. It gives me time to meditate on our day and think about him and how much I love him. And it gives me time to reflect on myself, how I'm doing – how I'm feeling. Things have been far from perfect after my arrival from the Capitol and yet it's the imperfection of it all that's brought Peeta and I closer.

Sometimes at night we kiss. It usually begins and ends very chastely, nothing like that time at the games when I finally felt something different for him. The time we were in the cave. But there is something different in the air tonight. As soon as his lips find mine I feel a hunger there, one that hasn't been present in such a long time I'm having trouble remembering if it really existed or if my mind had created such a delicious delusion. Because truly it does it no justice.

Peeta lays me softly and drapes himself over me carefully, supporting my neck with his strong and gentle hands. This is when I feel him. He is firm and exquisite and my head begins to swim with all the sensations. _Is this how I make him feel? He is like this for me?_

Much too soon we are panting and I can see the struggle in Peeta's face. His fullness is paining him and as always he is being such a gentleman about it. I feel him slowing our kisses down, his tongue mingling with mine ever so softly.

I claw at his shoulders. "Please don't stop", I beg in a breathy whisper.

He puts his forehead to mine and groans.

"You have no idea how you make me feel…" he pauses to catch his breath, "I love you more than life itself. You were the _only_ thing keeping me alive. I'd think of your smile or your arrogant pouts. The way your hair would blow in the wind…" he makes sure to look at me as he says the last word.

I have no words at my disposal to reply. Everything falls much too short.

It's not as if I've never considered the fact that eventually we'd consummate our love for one another. In fact I've found myself fantasizing about it quite often. Now that the moment has crept up on me I'm nervous …but oddly at peace. We are ready to take our love for one another to the next level.

I look up at him with all the adoration and love I feel for him. I don't trust my voice so I start off speaking slowly and low.

"I want you. There is nothing in this universe I could want more."'

I pause giving him time to comprehend my words. He leans down closer to me and I whisper in his ear boldly.

"I want you inside me."

He shudders at my admission and a low growl escapes him. He twines his hands with mine and begins to kiss me once more. On my lips, down my neck. Painfully slow over the swell of my breasts. This is uncharted territory for us both and yet he knows my body better than even I do.

He begins to pull the string of my nightgown off my shoulder and kisses the spot it once held.

Kiss.

"Are"

Kiss.

"You"

Kiss.

"Sure?"

My heart beats wildly in my chest and I lose myself in the sensations. Only Peeta could ever make me feel this way, awaken that long lost feeling within me.

He looks down at me so lovingly.

"Katniss Everdeen. I love you with every cell in my body." He enunciates every syllable. "Nothing would bring me more joy than to make love to you the way you deserve. I want to make you mine and I want you to make me yours."

I smile at him. "I want that too".

He kisses me tenderly. First on my forehead then on both cheeks, before reaching my lips and lingering there.

"You know that it may", he pauses to choose the appropriate word, his lips moving to my neck, "Be uncomfortable for you the first time?"

I nod in acquiescence.

"I will be gentle with you, I swear it", he says as he tucks a flyaway strand of hair behind my ear.

I nod once more. "I love you so much Peeta."

He answers in the form of a breathtaking kiss, one that mingles both our tongues in the most sensuous of dances. His hand removes the string of my nightgown completely off my shoulder, exposing my breast there. His eyes hold a question and before I can mouth the answer he lures my breast into his mouth slowly.

I moan at the contact, internally cringing at the way my voice sounds but not minding too much as he continues his ministrations on my other breast.

Softly he blows on both nipples. "So beautiful" he murmurs – more to himself than me. I am at a complete loss for words.

He slowly travels down my abdomen pushing the nightgown lower with him. He leaves trails of sweet kisses along the way and my back instinctively arches at the delicate and warm contact.

_There is no one else who could ever make me feel this way_

Soon he reaches my most intimate of parts and looks up at me. I lift up slowly and he begins to pull my panties off.

I know I should feel exposed, embarrassed even – but when I look at Peeta and see his eyes full of adoration I can't help but feel exhilarated. His eyes hungrily rake me in and I feel myself growing damp with every pass of his glance.

"You are exquisite" he says. And I know he means it.

Slowly he finds my most sensitive of places. He dips his fingers lightly and finds wetness

The breath I didn't know I was holding leaves my body and I lift myself towards his touch. My body is on fire. I am engulfed by the love I feel and the way his touch reveres my body. Never did I imagine I could feel this way. _That he could make me feel this way._

"So ready for me my love?"

I gulp and nod quickly.

Peeta's hands are so deft and gentle that I find myself turning into his touch to increase the friction. Hands strong enough to knead heavy dough, yet soft enough to pipe beautiful designs on cakes. With every pass of his fingers I feel a coil deep within my slowly winding itself, a feeling that I've never felt before.

I don't notice how loud my moans have become until Peeta's mouth finds my ear, "Will you wake the neighbors with your moans?" he sensuously growls at me, never ceasing his movements below.

I somehow find my voice. "Peeta, I, I don't stop…please, oh please…"

And then it happens. The coil bursts faster than I can understand and I'm sure I've awoken Haymitch now. I see specks of color behind my eyelids and it all makes sense. Peeta, me, our lives together. I feel myself arching into his touch as my wave subsides and he's holding me and shushing me, calming me with his touch.

"Shh", he whispers. My panting subsides, but only by a fraction.

When I finally open my eyes, I find him smiling at me sheepishly. Looking radiant and beautiful. I look up at him a bit embarrassed by my reaction but he just chuckles quietly.

"And that" he breathes quietly "is how we begin our forever."

I fall into the most peaceful slumber.

* * *

><p>When I wake it's still dark out so I figure I couldn't have been sleeping for very long. Peeta is awake and playing with my hair.<p>

"Hey" I say quietly.

He kisses me lovingly and I sigh into his touch. I want to make Peeta feel the way he made me feel. My whole body is trembling with desperation. I'm not sure where to start and my nerves are threatening to take over. These sensations are all so new. I take a deep breath and steel myself. _You can do this, just show him how much you love him._

I want to kiss every part of him. This will prove to be extensive I'm sure, but not impossible.

I slowly bring my fingers to his face and trace the lines there. He turns into my touch and kisses my palm, murmuring his love. My fingers find their way to his hair as I lower my lips to his. He wraps his arms around me while I sit on his lap. In the dark I see his piercing blue eyes dancing alight.

I continue to deepen our kisses and I grind my hips against his, desperate for friction. Soon I feel him firm beneath me. I kiss down his torso, feeling the defined muscles under my touch as I inch lower to the source of my undoing. I reach tentatively into his pants and free him from his confines.

I gasp slightly. He is beautiful, every part of him – even this. I idly wonder how something of that capacity could fit into…but I let the thought trail and focus on _him_ once more.

I take him into my hand and hear Peeta suck in a breath.

"Am I squeezing too hard? I'm sorry-", I begin to loosen my grip on him but he stops my hands from doing so.

"No you're doing it much too well. I might not last long", he says through clenched teeth. I continue to move my hand up and down over him – faster and stronger. I notice that the tip has some liquid and I dab my finger on it and bring it to my lips.

"It's sweet", I say in the darkness – more to myself than to him.

As I continue my movements Peeta becomes more and more vocal. Moaning and speaking unintelligible words. My heart swells in the knowledge that I am finally bringing Peeta pleasure and I become bolder – reaching down and licking the bead of liquid that has gathered again.

His eyes fly open and meet mine. I take more of him into my mouth, slowly, feeling the muscles in his abdomen clench and unclench with each pass of my tongue. Boldly I add my hand movements and synch them with my mouth.

"Katniss please" he pants, "I don't want to come like this" I look at him with confusion and he amends, "I was hoping I could come inside of you."

Oh. _Inside of me?_

I nod.

"He hovers over me and I feel him at my slick entrance.

"Relax. Gentle, remember?"

Slowly he pushes inside and I feel him stretching me. It hurts and burns, almost a pleasurable sting. Compared to the pain I've felt in the arena this is like a cool balm to a wound. Even so I have to push the painful images of the games from my head. I focus on Peeta's breathing to calm me.

The sensations of pleasure are so strong I nearly faint. He retreats and pushes in swiftly. I grasp his shoulders tightly and cry out, my pain mingled with pleasure.

"Sh, it's okay." He wipes the sheen of sweat on my brow, kissing me. He withdraws a little and I feel the pain ebbing. He withdraws completely and I'm suddenly empty.

It's not long when he's filling me once more, slowly – gently. With each thrust his lips find my skin. Words of love and hope imprinted into my soul. I moan at the contact and can barely keep my eyes open.

I feel him struggle to keep an even pace, to continue slowly. My lips find his and our tongues dance together.

"You are so beautiful. To be with you like this, to love you this way", he whispers to my ear nibbling the flesh there.

Words will never be enough to express the love I have for him. A love that knows no boundaries or confines.

I feel the coil building within me once more. By the sounds of Peeta's breathing I can tell that he's close. He places his fingers where we connect, and I don't know what to do or say. I am confused unable to comprehend how he is doing this.

I can only feel. Feel his weight above me, his uneven breaths and tender kisses. Our breathy moans as they fill the air.

He brings me to the peak and I plummet into bliss. Air is no longer needed to exist, _he_ is now the source of my survival. My body contracts of its own accord and I cannot control the whimper that leaves my lips as fireworks explode behind my eyelids.

Peeta's eyes are closed and his mouth is clenched into a tight line. He thrusts into me slowly and I feel his warmth fill me – engulfing me in its entirety. My body throbs and aches and as he moves to remove himself I stop him.

"Please, not yet." I manage to say.

I cannot control the flow of emotions as tears leave my eyes. This has all been so much. I have never felt more loved and safe than in this moment. In the arena, I was my own protector. I had no one else to rely on for my survival. Maybe this is why I fought so hard against Peeta. Here, in our room, I have him to protect me and he has me. Separately we simply exist, but together we live.

He smoothes away the hair from my face and nuzzles his face into my neck. I feel droplets running down my skin and I know he understands exactly how I am feeling. But different still. I wasn't the one who had false memories implanted. I run my hands up and down his back and bring his teary face into my hands.

"I love you, real or not real?" I ask.

I never got to hear the answer that night, his lips did all the talking.

* * *

><p>I, am Katniss Everdeen.<p>

I was once so afraid of the future and what it could bring. Everything was a variable, nothing was a constant. Though the Capitol tried with all its might to separate me from those I loved – I have emerged a Victor. _We_ have emerged Victors.

There was a time when I couldn't even fathom the thought of having a family for fear they would be taken from me and offered as tributes, or worse.

I am not perfect and I don't try to be. Some days are harder than others for both of us. Peeta still struggles with tampered memories and often patience has proven to be my strongest ally. With love and care I explain things to him, regularly giving him the most inane details to piece together recollections. I was once compared to a Mockingjay. While I lived so did the rebellion.

But what happens when your wings get cut? For a long time I couldn't fly, I was stranded in my own world of pain and regret. Somewhere along the way Peeta found me and mended my broken wings. From the embers Still I Rise.

No longer the girl on fire, I am something more. We are something more.

As I look down at my rounded belly I no longer fear for the games that once dominated our lives. We now play _our_ game – for hours – until he's satisfied with all that I've told him. On occasion Haymitch helps too. Peeta lies awake at night reading to our child, I laugh at the funny expressions he makes as he characterizes. He laughs too and his smile always reaches his eyes.

There are times yes, when I think of the future, and imagine my children who don't know they play on a graveyard. Peeta says it will be okay. We have each other. And the book. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I'll have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won't ever really go away.

I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after so many years.

But we all know there are worse games to play.

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

And there you have it! I honestly did not think I could get through this. So much emotion while writing it. Sometimes it gets a little difficult to disassociate my feeling from Katniss' feelings when I'm writing her. I bow to Suzanne Collins! Seriously how amazing is she for creating these characters?

In other news, not sure If I'll leave it here or do one more chap.

Leave me a review and tell me what you think!

xoxo


	5. Home Again

**Author Notes:** Darlings it's been way too long, I know! Last time I wrote the final chapter it was a few months before my wedding in Aug 2011. So here I am married and ready to continue this story with our lovely characters. I happened to get a favorite story alert to my email which made me remember why I wrote this little fic in the first place – so here I am ready to get Katniss' voice out of my head again. As ever, Adele continues to be my muse. Suzanne Collins owns all.

Here we go…

* * *

><p><em>It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after so many years. But we all know there are worse games to play.<em>

* * *

><p>"<em>Whenever I'm alone with you<em>_  
><em>_You make me feel like I am free again__  
><em>_Whenever I'm alone with you__  
><em>_You make me feel like I am clean again" _– Adele, _Lovesong_

* * *

><p>Dawns ethereal glow filters through the window and with it comes the promise of a new day. Nights have become more difficult to sleep through as my burgeoning stomach cannot find a lasting comfortable position. I try my best not to wake Peeta as I toss and turn as quietly as I can but he is so attuned to me now. It's as almost if he can feel my movements before my brain actually registers the signal for my limbs to move.<p>

But today is different; I know how exhausted he is. So through all the rustling he continues to sleep which I'm thankful for. He looks so peaceful while in deep sleep, almost as if nothing could hurt him there. Because nothing _can_ hurt him there. He's tucked safely away in our quiet lives and the love I have for him makes me feel as if heart could implode.

My pregnancy has been a difficult one though it has gotten progressively better. When we first found out we were expecting there were so many questions. I was stricken with the worst fear imaginable…but Peeta wanted children so badly. There was no way I could deny him this joy after years of begging.

Most simple questions have been awkwardly answered by Haymitch or Sae. Apparently they had assisted with their share of labors. We have a family physician Dr. Kay who oversees my prenatal care. She is around sixty and has beautiful salt and pepper colored hair that falls to her shoulders. Her hands are gentle and soothing especially when I almost had a syncopal episode as our baby appeared on the monitor for the first time.

"It's standard for first time mothers to feel frightened and excited Katniss. Remember that your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder makes your reactions feel more vivid and potent." She said reassuringly as she patted my hand.

Vivid and potent were an understatement. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was alive and the sensory input was just _too_ much. A thousand things rushed through my head. The most prevalent one being the overwhelming desire to protect and care for our baby. Perhaps I'm not as mobile as I was before but I knew deep within me that if anyone ever even contemplated hurting our child…let's just say things would not end well for them.

And here I go again. These are the feelings that Dr. Aurelius urges me to push from my thoughts. The nagging sensation that everything is too good, too perfect and it will just get shattered? He says it's my PTSD projecting my insecurities – I just think he wants me to fully overcome my issues. But I can't, not because I don't want to get better but if I fully recover I can never remember that what I have endured is a testament to my inner strength. The memories of those we've lost along the way remind me that I need to live my life fully, never forgetting their sacrifices and struggles in the process. I need to know that I was broken and then was put together by the most deft and kind hands. The hands of the baker's son – my love, my life – my Peeta is what keeps me together.

After that incident, I promise myself that I have to be much more careful with how I express my rapidly changing emotions. Peeta was doing remarkable, yes, but I have to remember that my reactions more than anyone's affect him. He pushes, I pull. The ying to my yang.

...

Our baby was doing well but I had such bad morning sickness that Peeta was beside himself with worry. He was impotent to do anything else except hold my hair as I wretched or rub my back in soothing circles. I couldn't keep anything down for longer than an hour at a time which led to dehydration and more of Peeta losing his mind. Thankfully Haymitch remembered an old remedy with herbal leaves and such that helped ease my discomfort exponentially. But by the time the morning sickness had passed I was in my second trimester and had lost, not gained, 10 pounds.

Add to the fact that I can't even walk three steps in front of me without the three of them making a fuss about it. I went from being completely autonomous to completely co-dependent much to my dismay. It's frustrating to know that I had survived 2 tours in the arena along with the fall of the capitol and District 12 and yet I couldn't even go to the bathroom without everyone fussing!

So while I lay in bed and think of these things, my biggest hope is that my children will grow to be happy. That we can help them understand. Peeta is our greatest cheerleader; I know he will make an excellent father. He will love them and nurture them and they will be the permanent tether that keeps him connected to us all.

But he is worrying himself into exhaustion which in turn worries _me_.

I'm pulled out of my reverie with Peeta's soft voice. "No comfortable position for you or the little one tonight?" he asks whispering.

"No" I murmur softly, disappointed that I have woken him.

Peeta doesn't mind at all. He turns on his side completely to move his hand over my stomach. He stares at his hand on my belly for a while and then looks up at me with an unreadable expression.

"You have no idea how magnificent you look to me. To see you so radiant and full of life, carrying our child…" he stops as if to ponder his next words. "Sometimes it feels so perfect I can't help but wonder if it's real or not. But I know its real Katniss, everything is so real and vibrant with you - there is no doubt in my mind about this".

I look down at him in shock and awe. I know the real struggle he continues to have with his implanted memories and yet he is learning to cope, to understand that this, our life together, is as real as it gets. This man is the reason for my existence; his love has become the life force that has kept me going through all of the hardships we've faced.

"I love you so much Peeta, though I've never felt larger" I respond wryly and quickly add "Feeling this life growing inside me is the greatest blessing."

I close my eyes contentedly. "Sleep love, it's too early to be awake. Don't worry about me or the baby we're fine I promise" I say hoping he won't push.

I peak open through one eye to catch a glimpse of him as he considers my request.

"Please", I plead with him.

He sighs loudly in defeat, his discontent evident in the early morning. "Fine, but if you feel even the slightest inkling of being ill or in pain all bets are off."

I turn to kiss his pout though I can't contain my smile. My Peeta so protective of me and our child. This is all so new to me I still have to pinch myself.

"Thank you, I love you. I promise I'll let you know if I feel odd or anything. I'm going to go downstairs and watch the sunrise." And with that I untangle myself from the covers and leave my beautiful albeit overprotecting husband to his slumber.

As I sit with my tea and watch the sunrise I can't help but feel like I'm living someone else's life in a whole other dimension. There was a time where survival was my only future, my sole contemplation. It's been a struggle having to rework my brain to think differently. To accept that things have changed for the better and that we are forging our own future without any external forces to intervene. The notion is quite heavy even for me.

I catch myself rubbing my stomach idly. I look down at my little fighter growing within, surviving against all odds. "I love you" I say out loud, to myself and to the world too, because it's true. Nothing has ever been truer. In that moment the full glory of the sun washes through the living room, engulfing me in its glow. I close my eyes and let the suns early rays wash over me. It almost feels as if they are healing me, mending those deep wounds that even my conscious self can't remember. How exquisite it feels to be a part of the sun again, basking in its fiery blaze. The girl on fire, that's what they called me. But I am something more now and I hope as an extension, my child has inherited my fiery spirit. All it takes is a spark to ignite a revolution. The irony is not lost upon me. Peeta ignited a revolution within my heart and soul – his love for me a match to light the heavens even if he didn't know it. And I know without a doubt that he is the source of my power, he is that spark that brings me to my emblazoned splendor. With his quiet yet constant love he recharges my spirit. Apart we are powerful; together we are invincible.

...

"So you're saying Johanna _actually _stripped her costume in the elevator while you died of shock?" says Peeta between guffaws. We're lounging on the hammock while he rubs my swollen feet. The sun is setting.

I huff, remembering her perfect physique and comparing it to my now very apparent size.

"Yes, yes that's EXACTLY what I'm saying. You would think you'd remember that one? I'm sure it was a view" I say dejectedly while pouting and pretending to look at something interesting on my hand.

"Katniss."

Silence.

"KAT-niss."

Silence.

"KAT-"

"Alright okay, what?" I say grumpily. All of a sudden I'm not in the mood to play our game anymore.

He stops rubbing my feet and sits up to hold my face all the while looking into my eyes.

"Please don't be upset Katniss, I'm sorry. You are beautiful no matter what."

My traitor tears start stinging my eyes. "Even if I'm fat, have random self-esteem issues and cry on command now?" I cannot believe the timing of these stupid hormones.

He laughs and his smile reaches his eyes and crinkles them so beautifully. His carefree laugh is infectious and that in turn makes me laugh too.

"I'm not used to these hormonal changes…" I trail off. And really I'm not. Crying to purge feelings is one thing but crying hysterically because you can't find your favorite shirt is another matter entirely.

"It's okay, everyone says it's normal. You'll be fine" he says while getting up and helping me in the process.

Normal. I let that word float around in my head for a second. Normal I decide is apt indeed.

Peeta holds my hand as we walk in the house.

"Now in other news _wife_, I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to. Hmm?" he raises a brow cheekily at me.

"Business?" My brain is so slow lately. Oh yes, that's right – _business_.

"I do believe you are correct _husband_. Though I must admit there is quite a lot of ground to cover." I reply matching his playful, nonchalant tone as we walk up the stairs towards our room.

He goes behind me and whispers in my ear. "Nothing would give me more pleasure than to devour you inch by inch." He enunciates every syllable.

I shudder closing my eyes involuntarily.

"Shall I start with your full breasts? So round and soft for me" he growls in his quiet sensual voice. He takes advantage of my dazed state and starts to unbutton my shirt, the swell of my growing breasts evident.

"Mmmm, I could never tire of you Katniss. Come now there is much to discuss."And with that he leads me to our bed. I position myself in the middle of the bed excited for what's to come next. By the time my brain can refocus again Peeta has already removed his shirt.

No longer a boy, he is a man. His chiseled abs and defined arms serve as evidence. His eyes give away what his body won't, at least not yet anyway. He is beyond excited and very near to losing control I can sense it.

While I lose myself in his gorgeous form he is busy stalking towards me like a predator would. When he reaches me I am panting with want and need.

"Ssh" he murmurs and puts a finger to my lips. His hands slowly release one breast and he brings me into his mouth fully. Then he alternates to the other breast while I tug on his hair and moan into the dusk. The orange and purple hues bathe our bedroom in vivid colors – matching our fiery desire for one another.

"You taste so sweet" he mumbles against my breasts. I close my eyes once more as I feel the ever present coil within me start to wind. Slowly he eases me down onto the bed and begins taking off my pants and panties painfully slow. It's as if he is teasing himself just as he is teasing me.

"Peeta, please" I moan not caring that my voice is full of need and is hardly recognizable.

"Yes love I know, but you did say I had a lot of ground to cover. And I am a man of my word am I not?"

I nod in delirious assent. Once he's undressed me fully he begins kissing me in earnest. No warm up kisses necessary. This is Peeta full of need and hunger just like my own. I feel myself growing more slicker with arousal as our tongues twine together.

Time ceases to matter as he kisses my neck and sucks on his favorite spot just above my right collarbone. I feel him hard and ready for me. But I know better than to try to touch – he won't let me and will just restart to the beginning. He can win the battle but I will triumph in the war.

He kisses my breasts once more and doesn't forget the space between them. I'm convinced the whole Victor's Village can hear me by now, but I could give a damn.

"So beautiful. So soft and warm…" he goes on and on as he whispers the unintelligible against my skin, so softly I think I've imagined it. He's reaching my belly now and takes extra care to ensure every single part of my abdomen has been thoroughly kissed and loved. Once he's satisfied his done his job he travels lower to the place I need him most.

"So wet for me my beautiful Katniss" he blows against my most intimate parts and I nearly combust. "You are like a delicate flower, opening yourself to me one petal at a time and my how exquisite." He kisses the inside of my thigh with his torturous pace.

"Peeta..please..I..need" I can't even form a coherent thought when he's touching me like this. He opens my legs slowly as much as they'll go and begins his languorous assault on my sex with his tongue at first and then adds a finger as my moans become louder.

"Don't stop..PLEASE..so..good" I feel the coil winding faster than ever before and before I know it I feel that building sensation.

"I'm..I'm…COMI-"

And with that I shatter into a million pieces. The lights behind my eyes a kaleidoscope of colors.

"Yes, Peeta yes…more…PLEASE MORE".

He groans in response and doubles his efforts to elongate my pleasure. Once I come down from my high all I see is Peeta looking at me with those piercing blue eyes. My body is willing me to succumb to sleep but I cannot. I will not. Not until I feel him inside me.

"You coming undone before me is the greatest sight I will ever witness." he says matter-of- factly.

I smile and beckon him to me with my finger. My voice is hoarse, nearly gone. "I need you inside me please". My eyes beg him with the words my lips cannot.

In one swift movement he is buried deep within me and our souls collide. I can feel him pouring all the love he has in to me. He does his best to be gentle but that overwhelming need for us to unite proves most difficult and he loses his tender rhythm briefly but regains it once more.

"So, so good Katniss. I love. You. So. MUCH." He pulls me to him and crushes my lips to his as he fills me with his release.

We run through this cycle many times through the evening and the late night. Each time a new sensation coming to the surface but always brought forth with love and patience.

When were both sated and the moons glow lights our room, I rest my head on his chest while he plays with my hair. The days events replaying through my head.

"Katniss?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for letting me love you. I will never grow tired of being inside you and seeing you full with our child makes me even hungrier for you. I'm sorry if I was too rou-" I still his lips with a kiss.

"No need to thank me, you loved me the way we both needed. Desires change just as we do. You did nothing wrong in fact I enjoyed every single minute and will try to commit as much as I can to memory but I know it can never do it justice…." I yawn quietly as the days activities start to drain me.

"I love you Peeta. Real or not real?"

His quiet snores answered for him.

Real.

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong> And there we have it! Wow that was 2,974 words of amazingness which I hope will make up for the 2 year epic fail :D I have no beta so this is as raw as it gets. Please excuse any grammatical issues.

Adele – Lovesong. TRUST ME. You have to listen to her very lightly in the background while you get into this story. Let's talk more about character development, tweet me at **Mina_CLLN**

Please review, it's been a while since I've written these two so I'm hoping it makes sense. I think I'll write at least 2 more chapters with the birth scene (!) and maybe some more Peeta overprotectedness? Oh and who thinks we should ask Haymitch what an episiotomy is ? HAHAHAHA. Can't wait to see his eyes bug out on that one.

Oh and in my story Katniss and Peeta are around 32 years old. If you do the math Suzanne Collins has them in their late thirties early forties having kids which was a little too old for my taste.

Reviews get you more prenatal sexy times. You know you love it!

xo,

Mina


	6. Skyfall

**Author Notes:** Here we are again loves. Surprisingly someone's voice would just NOT shut up in my head. You'll figure out who it is below. Some angst, be warned. But you know me; I can't resist rewarding our star-crossed lovers from District Twelve. Suzanne Collins owns all.

I'll see you at the bottom!

...

_"I love you Peeta. Real or not real?" His quiet snores answered for him. Real. _

* * *

><p>"Skyfall is where we start<br>A thousand miles and poles apart  
>Where worlds collide and days are dark<br>You may have my number, you can take my name  
>But you'll never have my heart…" – Adele,<em> Skyfall<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: Skyfall<strong>

Today is the day.

We are having visitors from different Districts, or "States?" as they're now calling them, coming to our quaint little District Twelve. They call it the _Festival of Lights; _it lasts for a weekend and reminds us all that there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel. Artisans come from far and wide to display their work along with different culinary artists who display the grossest and most delicious concoctions their minds can come up with. This is the second year of the festival and in my pregnant state those weird concoctions don't sound too bad. Peeta agrees. He's all about expanding his horizons and trying new recipes. Me? Not so much but pregnancy has a way of changing your food habits.

Another exciting prospect is that my mother will actually visit. It's been about three years since I've seen her and we are both surprisingly excited to see one another. In the back of my mind is the gnawing feeling that we've never really discussed what happened with Prim or any of the events thereafter. It bothers me yes, but at the same time I have my own life with Peeta and we are truly happy now especially as the birth of our child nears. I want to amend my relationship with my mother and hopefully regain some semblance of normalcy between us. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with (Haymitch reminds me daily of this fact) but I am ready to move forward.

I feel Peeta's leg entwining with mine beneath the covers.

"Hmmmmmm" he breathes out sleepily.

I laugh softly. "I have many things to do today you know. And though the offer to stay with you in bed all day is tempting I have to get up", I enunciate the last few words so he knows I'm serious.

He frees my lower limbs with a pout. Oh how I love that pout.

I slowly shift to get up and there he is supporting my back and arms. I have had to forcefully accept all the help he, Haymitch and Sae have given me with my own pout in tow. But honestly it doesn't even bother me anymore.

I look over my right shoulder to find sleepy blue eyes contemplating me. "I love you" I say to him and our baby. He closes his eyes in assent and kisses my shoulder.

…

Later in the day as I walk around the house inspecting everything to make sure it looks perfect I hear a knock on the door.

_That's odd_ I muse to myself. Haymitch and Sae walk right in because at this point we're family. _And it can't be my mother because the trains aren't due to arrive for another three hours _I idly ponder as I walk to the front door and open it.

No forewarning could ever prepare me for the pair of eyes staring back at me.

_His_ eyes. _Grey_ eyes.

"Hi Catni – eh Katniss?" he says quizzically, his eyes going wide as he takes in _all_ of me.

But my thoughts are elsewhere and they become hurried and frantic. _He's here? Why? Is something wrong? But what could be wrong?_

Everything starts to blur and my breathing becomes disjointed and difficult. _You're having a panic attack!_ _BREATHE_ My mind screams at me. Yells at me to get it together for the sake of the baby. But I cannot and I feel my eyes closing of their own accord and my knees give out.

Gale catches me and screams out for help.

"PEETA! HAYMITCH! SOMEBODY HELP!"

In an instant there's a flurry of commotion – voices getting louder, footsteps pounding, profanities heard.

I can hear everything going on around me but my conscious mind seems to be taking a break. I want to open my mouth and tell Peeta I'm alright. Even in my state I can feel his fear and tension seeping through my bones. _Oh Peeta I love you, I'm okay._

He's angry now, seething. "GET OFF HER! KATNISS CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

He's moving me gently but I can feel him holding his strength back. I feel his head dip to my heart to listen to my heartbeat. He must feel how strong it is thumping furiously to let him know I'm okay.

"Katniss please" he says quieter this time as my face is peppered with kisses, his breaths becoming labored as he struggles to gain composure.

A calm yet authoritative voice breaks through the haze.

"Peeta she just had a fright that's all. Seeing this one" Haymitch cannot hide his displeasure "obviously caused it. Dr. Kay is on her way but I promise you she'll be fine"

I feel my body being moved and I'm fully surrounded by darkness.

After what feels like an eternity, my mind slowly drifts to the surface and I can finally open my eyes.

Five pairs of eyes stare back at me in shock and relief.

"Katniss!" Peeta all but nearly screams and envelops me in his arms.

"I was so scared" he chokes out not caring who is around.

"Peeta what's wrong? I'm so…confused and my head hurts" I whisper my eyes searching his frantic ones while my throat screams in pain.

As if he had a one-way connection to my mind Haymitch gives Peeta a glass of cold water which I gulp down like a madwoman. _Much better_.

"You went to open the door and when you saw Gale" he spits out his name like a curse "you started hyperventilating and fainted". His eyes are like an open book and I see fear etched in his irises.

I listen intently to everything else in between trying to piece it all together. Yes, I remember opening the door and – Gale. His eyes. I remember now.

I sit up with Peeta's help and try to piece things together. "Gale, what are you doing here? Is everything all right – oh my God is it my mother?" My voice increases an octave as the countless possibilities run through my mind. _No, no, no._

"Katniss please try to relax and control your breathing" Dr. Kay says kindly as she moves into my line of sight. "I believe you suffered from a PTSD induced panic attack. As you know sometimes there are certain triggers that can set things off. Apparently seeing your friend here triggered something in your memory which caused the collapse. If you work to steady your breathing and rationalize through the emotions you will have a better chance at stopping these incidents".

My mind was whirling. But she was right I was letting my fears and doubts creep in when this _thing _happened to me. I nod my head silently and close my eyes to center myself and with it my breathing.

"Okay I've definitely had enough commotion for one day. Thank you everyone for your help." I pause to choose my next words. "Can I – can I please have a moment with Peeta and…Gale?" I linger on his name almost like an afterthought.

I see worry marked between Peeta's eyes but he doesn't say a word. This is why I love him. Even when he doesn't agree with me he's not quick to put me on the spot. There's solidarity to us that nothing or no one can break. He trusts me implicitly even if he doesn't understand the whys.

After the well wishes and everyone leaves I see Gale shuffling his feet awkwardly. He's nervous it seems. Well I guess I would be too.

"What do I owe the pleasure of your company Gale? We haven't spoken in more than a decade and you suddenly show up at my door?" I try to remain impassive, in control of my emotions but I don't think either of them are buying it.

He walks towards me and then stops mid step. "Katniss I'm so sorry. I thought. Well I don't know what I thought. One minute I was back in District 12 and it was like I felt like the old me again and before I knew it there I was at your door knocking. If I would have known for a second things were going to spiral the way they did I never would have bothered you. I'm sorry" he gripes quietly and looks me in the eye to show his sincerity.

I look at Peeta and his face is unreadable. He's angry sure, but there's more to that look. He gives me a kiss on the forehead all the while his eyes never leaving Gales.

"I'll give you two some privacy but I won't be far" he says pointedly towards Gale.

I file that look away for further contemplation and direct my attention to _him_. I don't even know what to say. So I start with the basics.

"I understand that Gale and believe me I had no idea I was going to react that way either. Seeing you there was just too much and I…" I let the words trail.

Silence falls between us. And it isn't the comfortable silence we once used to fall into instinctively. This is a silence filled with tension and words unspoken. _To think that I could've had a future with Gale…_ I stop myself there. We are two very different people even then and especially now.

He breaks the silence first and walks over to me kneeling by my face. "You look so beautiful Katniss. So carefree and alive I almost have to pinch myself to believe it's true."

That definitely was _not_ what I was expecting. _What the…? I_ turn my head to the side disapprovingly and get up slowly leaving him on the floor.

I take a deep breath to steel my nerves. And the words just come rushing out. "You don't get to talk to me like that Gale. After everything with Pr-"I stop myself and try again. "After everything happened at the Capitol you never called me _once_. Never wrote a letter or even _asked_ about me. I know things could never go back to what they were but, you were my friend, my very best friend. And I was left there to fester away in my own mind and in my fucked up reality while you were out being Super Gale and enamoring the women of Panem." My voice quakes with years of pent up anger and disgust.

"So please excuse my language when I say 'fuck you' Gale. You knew exactly what you we're doing – you left me to rot on purpose because you were and are too much of a coward to face me. And though I know there's no way of ever knowing if _your_ contraption was the one that killed Prim" my mind screams in agony at the thought of my sweet beautiful girl "I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. We both know it would've never worked out between us romantically but at that point I just needed something or really someone to lean on. And that obviously wasn't you." My glare is murderous no doubt.

He looks at me from the floor and rises slowly not wanting to startle me as if I was a wounded animal. The irony is not lost upon me.

"You have every right to feel the way you do and I know that Katniss. I just wanted to see you, see how you were. My intention was to observe you from a distance not get directly involved in your life. But I saw you through the window and you looked so happy. I just." He huffs in exasperation. "I needed to know that you weren't broken because I knew I probably would've had something to do with it and I knew it was time to confront things like a man, like I should've done so long ago. I do blame myself for Prim and nothing you or anyone else can say to me will change that fact." He walks over to me slowly and catches a tear as it rolls down my cheek.

He holds my hand as he looks into my eyes. Grey to Grey. "Please know I am so so sorry, I will never be able to atone for my sins. You were always the better person, the better half of our whole. I wanted to love and be with you so badly it hurt but I understand now it was always going to be _him_. He would always win your heart even when you couldn't see it yourself. I never really had a chance in hell. And that's okay because if anyone deserves to be happy it's you Catnip, it's you. And he deserves you and everything beautiful that comes with it." With that he releases my hand and holds my face and kisses my cheeks tenderly.

I idly wonder if he's going to kiss me now after all this time. If Peeta were to walk in I'm sure it would look like an embrace of a lover, but I know better. There is no tug in my heart or stirring of emotions within me as Gale says his true and final good-byes. I wish him well but I will not miss him. He is not the one I can't live without. He was exactly right when he said there was only one for me, my Peeta.

I look him straight in the eye. "Gale, thank you" I say – not because that's what he would like to hear but because I mean it.

"No need to apologize and I promise I won't bother you again. Wouldn't want lover boy coming after me." He raises his brow in jest, but then his look softens – "He loves you and the baby so much he was just beside himself. And I don't blame him. He has very precious cargo to look after." He walks away towards the front door and I know I'll never see him again. And I'm okay with that.

It takes a lot of courage to do what he just did. He may have waited a decade and some to tell me but it's better late than never. There's that dominant part of me that is angry that I'm letting him off the hook so easily. But we all know that sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

Gale will be haunted by his past the same way I cannot forget mine. You have to make a conscious decision to push forward and just _live_. It would be so easy to stay mad at him forever…but the selfless thing to do is forgive. Thinking about every act of selflessness someone has ever done for me helps me accomplish this. And now we can both begin to heal in our own ways.

* * *

><p>"You can come out now" I say loudly in what I hope is Peeta's general vicinity.<p>

A few seconds later I hear his steady albeit loud footsteps heading my way. After the Capitol gave him a prosthetic his injured leg always drags a bit. Maybe it's not something an ordinary person would pay attention to but this is my Peeta. And I am more attuned to him now than I ever was to my own body.

His face lingers in the doorway as he contemplates me. "Is it over?"

Those three words hold so much meaning. Is it over between Gale and I? Do I not love him anymore?

"It's been over for a very long time" I say with all the love and sincerity I can.

He takes a few strides and has me in his arms in an instant. "I was so worried. I didn't want him to upset you anymore but I knew there was unfinished business between you two. I can tell her still cares for you deeply and – "

I shush him with my fingers on his lips. "I understand trust me. Yes, it's evident that he cares for me and I wish him well but Peeta…I don't _love_ him. Gale was a childhood friend and once a long time ago I thought perhaps we could be more but –" I pause knowing I need to choose my words carefully "He is not my air, nor my sustenance – surely not the way you are. Above anyone I need _you, _you are my constant and I cannot and will not ever live without you. I outgrew my relationship with Gale eons ago and today was just a formality. That chapter is forever closed in my life and we're writing our life together now and no one can ever take that away from us."

He kisses me slowly yet with such passion I can feel all the air being sucked out of the room. No more words are necessary as he picks me up and bring me to our room. He takes his time today, slowly trailing kissed up and down by body, lingering on my breasts and lapping the sweet liquid that accumulates there. My mind briefly wonders about my mother's train schedule but soon Peeta is reaching down lower to where I need him most and kisses me there so tenderly I weep with joy.

A few more swipes of his tongue and I feel that delicious sensation deep within me starting to surface. "So close – so good Peeta" I pant writhing beneath him. He never changes the rhythm and keeps a languorous pace as his assault on me continues.

And then, almost so low I think I imagined it, I hear him whisper "Real" across my skin.

That's the final push I need to go over the edge and quickly I feel every nerve ending heightened and the release I've been waiting for finally finds me as I come gloriously all around his lips. I cannot control my body as it writhes trying to absorb and elongate the delicious torture.

My eyes are soon heavy and drooping as my orgasm high slowly winds down and I smile contentedly.

I hear his beautiful voice low in my ear. "Sleep love and don't worry about your mom I'll make sure she's all set. I'll tell her you had a very trying day and your body just needed to rest".

"You are incorrigible" I whisper smiling.

"Sleep now. I love you"

And with that I drift off into the most peaceful slumber…

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong> And there we have it 3k words! Gale was the character whose voice was very insistent in my head as I furiously worked to get his feelings out. He is a flawed character and I wanted to flesh him out a bit just to understand his motivations. He still loves Katniss romantically but knows that she will NEVER give him the time of day. She is the "one who got away" for him and he's bowed out of the running for her heart, as he should.

Not sure how many more chapters I want to do. I'm just letting things flow, working up to the birth scene and have some names swirling around.

Reviews get you more _REAL_ Peeta & Katniss orgasms lol!

xo

Mina


End file.
